I don't care what you look like, if I could see you RIGHT NOW I'd be so happy I would squeel. Seriously.
My heart hurts (EVEN MORE!) reading about your "daily grind" and while it's admirable of you to want to take it in stride, a good scream session always makes me feel better sometimes. Sometimes it just feels good got get good and pissed off. Then, you go about your merry self. ;-)
I wish I had what you needed. It would be yours in a heartbeat.
Love you Gitz.
Brandy
· 5 months ago
Okay, so "Guest" was totally me. I forgot that I'm at my moms house on her computer and my info doesn't automatically show up like it does on my laptop...which I left in ND b/c it doesn't work so I will be totally bummed when I get home and have a lame computer. CRAP.
I hope you look like yourself again as soon as possible! Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your struggles, that takes courage.
Anna
Cynthia Lott Vogel
· 5 months ago
Hi Sara, If it helps at all, I know a great deal about how steroids invade your body and capture your svelte self, leaving in its place a hideous imposter! I've sometimes spent months on high doses of IV steroids for my asthma and know all about the "writhing pain" as well...Not fun,my sister, not fun!! I will pray for you in your steroid hell...I always debate between the evils: is the disease worse or the drug?? But if you can't breathe, the choice becomes obvious really quickly...I love you with the love of Christ, and my heart breaks for you because I know what it is like to want to hide under your bed until you lose the steroid face!! Hang in there. Your beautiful soul is all we see on this blog and that's the real you...Nothing can take that away! Cynthia
Also been nice and big from steroids with my asthma. Then I nearly lost my baby in the one pregnancy and the doctor put me on progesterone. Well, at least my boobs increased at the same rate as the rest of my body: A cup to a D cup in a week. I just keep telling myself that I am in there somewhere and I will come out again. I am almost back to normal and you will be too. The way we see your words is the way we see you: full of hope and life and laughter and tons of love. On your blog, sharing your life with us, you can do anything. Enjoy the straight hair. My sisters in law keep telling me what a pain it is for them to straighten their curls. My hair wouldn't even curl in a perm!
Jessica Schim Turner
· 5 months ago
we love you. can Elias skype with you?
Rita
· 5 months ago
Gitz, You could not have said it better. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Southern Gal
· 5 months ago
So glad you have the faith to stand (and share with us) even when times are tough.
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Candy
· 5 months ago
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. The "real you" comes out in your beautiful writing and that's all God ever sees, too. I will continue to pray for your health.
Sara, My heart aches for you, your pain, your suffering, and your self-image. I so empathize with you. During chemo, the loss of hair, swelling from steroids, pain from surgeries, and generally feeling crappy clearly affects self-image. This post gives me more ammunition for specific prayers for you. God's faithfulness endures all things. I love reading your posts, but also want to know how you're doing really. Thanks for sharing. Hugs to you (wish they were in person). Blessings, SusanD
Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest with us all. I am so so sorry this has been such a difficult time for you. You are in my thoughts many times each day and I am hoping you start feeling better very soon.
coloradolady
· 5 months ago
Sara, I pray for you each and every day. I pray this passes soon, and you are feeling better and back to your self. Hang in there my friend...I love you, and hope you have a better day today.
Sara, prayed for you this morning even before I read this. Now I know what I can be more specific in prayer about. Thank you!
You are most precious! Like the Proverbs 31 woman whose heart is precious to God. Thank you for your transparency. Thank you that you exhibit strength and not a front. That is a blessing!
Love you, friend!
denali
· 5 months ago
No pep talk here. No words of wisdom either. Just sympathy. And lots and lots of caring :)
Brenda White Simmons
· 5 months ago
Sara,
We both struggled with body image, so I can truly understand how difficult this must be to go through. No pep talk here! But for the record, you inspire a lot of people to live life to the fullest.
Mandy
· 5 months ago
Hello beautiful. Sorry you're going through such a hard time. I just hate that.
Know the best thing about your blog? We see YOU. For who you are. And that's all we see. Not somebody whose sickness defines her, but someone whose Christ-likeness defines her. I love seeing you, however you are.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." -1 Peter 3:3-5
Pep-talk over. ;)
Michelle
· 5 months ago
Your words have given me much to think about this morning. I don't always "look" sick, but I sure feel it. To feel and look sick...until I read this, I thought I wouldn't mind it so much...thinking again.
Yes, at least now I do have a chance at "pretending" it isn't what it is.
I'm praying for you...more...today, Gitz.
Jessie
· 5 months ago
Sending you a BIG cyber hug! [o] (but, a gentle one.)
Will the steroid weight leave once you are off the steroids or will it be a slow process of losing weight?
Laura Swan Jinkins
· 5 months ago
No fancy lectures about how beautiful you are on the inside side. Just a big reminder that you are LOVED regardless of how you look (right now) on the outside. It's unconditional and without end. Love, love, love, love, love ... skinny, pudgy, curly hair and flat ... we all love you so much, Sara and the miracle is our love is a drop in the bucket compared to that of God. :)
Sheryl
· 5 months ago
not going to give you any pep talk. not going to give you any spiritual words of wisdom. want you to know that i'm glad to hear from you and that i love ya!
Shannon
· 5 months ago
Hi Sweet One,
You nailed it on this one...well said. You did not complain, or whine (which I am sure you're concerned about doing). You did not sound like you were feeling sorry for yourself--which is allowed as long as you don't wallow in it. You were real and honest and transparent, and probably helped so many people. Way to not let this dumb disease take that from you.
Been there...the moon (balloon) face of steriods is awful. I DO know how people say they understand but cannot unless they've (a)been on high dose steriods multiple/extended times, or (b) have had one of those 20/20 body transformations. I have done (a) and wish instead it had been (b, seeing as it is far easier to recover/come back from. :)
YOU ARE IN THERE. I promise. I "see" it in your words. You will emerge. It might be a bit different for a bit, but you have friends and an amazing God that will sustain you through this. Ya can't just live on Riles alone :).
I do understand the desire to be sick but not look it; in that way, the disease is not defining you or taking something from you that others can see. It is a blow to lose mobility, but it is really nothing like losing the shape of you, the tendrils in your hair or the crinkle lines near your eyes when you smile(b/c I am SURE those are gone). It is okay to mourn the loss of that for right now. You'll come back. I am trusting in it.
I am loving you, praying for you, and am "here" if you need me. This road right now just plain stinks. Can't say anything but that. I wish you did not have to travel it, but know that you're never alone.
Perfectly written. Exquisite word choice. I love "fear has no place in my life." Such a universal truth. And you had to decide that. This truth doesn't just happen upon us.
Cheering and clapping. You are such an amazing writer--no matter, no matter, no matter what else is going on. You won this round!
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect
· 5 months ago
Oh, Sara, my heart just hurts for you. You are so strong, so real, so honest - and I am loving you from here. If I saw your puffy face, I promise I would love you just the same - but how AWESOME that God has provided all of us bloggy friends who can't see your face right now? To us, you are the same incredible friend that we know and love and pray for!
I'm wondering about these steroids, though - are you on them for your lungs? Is that why you have to put up with them?
I just hate situations where I don't know the right thing to say ... but I don't know the right thing to say! I hate to think of you in pain, and the suffering you're enduring. All I know is that this disease has robbed you of so much, but you hold safe the one thing that it can't touch ... your spirit. Take care of you!
Lauratina
· 5 months ago
All of those sentiments given above, and then some....that's what I'm sending you today, dear-heart! Thanks so very much for offering the gift of you to us! ((((huggggggsss)))) & prayers
Kimberly
· 5 months ago
Praying for you. Coming from an eating disorder family history, I totally get the body image ordeal. I mean, aren't you dealing with enough? Ugh! We all love you, but more importantly, God sees you as He made you and you are the apple of His eye!
That must be so hard. I have dealt with body and weight issues all my life too and I can't imagine what it must be like to change practically overnight like that. Thanks so much for being so real and sharing so much with us. Wish there was something that could help! Hoping and praying that things get better for you soon.
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Vicky
· 5 months ago
Its truly very courageous of you to share with us this most personal and heartwrenching journey you are on. I am just going to honor you where you are at and thank you for giving us your best Dr. Phil (tell it like it is) version of how you are. Praying for you!
Pastor_T
· 5 months ago
I don't have a pep talk for ya, but know I will be praying for you! He is the best motivational speaker I know :-)!!
hey. I don't even know what type of pep-talk to give you. I don't have the words for your strength and stamina and faith. You are an inspiration. But I'm sure you've heard that before. I love you. I think so highly of you. SO highly, Gitz. SOOOO highly. Gosh. I don't know how to even say it. You are incredible. I want to say I'm proud of you - but that feels like I'm talking "down" to you or something. I actually am proud of you in an "I really really look UP to you" sort of way. You are strong. As weak as you feel facing the pain and the day... To me, if I were to describe you in one word: STRONG.
I pray for you. Nearly everyday. Whenever your face comes to mind. Honestly, sometimes it's your dog's face that comes to mind. But still, I pray for you. I wish I could do miracles.
Our heart is our most important organ. You have a very big heart. Let all the love of your friends, peeps, family, and your faith help keep your spirt strong.
Love is the most important part of life. As for the rest, it will be what it will be.
I love you Sarah!! Praying on the shores of California, Know that when the breeze of the ocean hit my face today. He was telling me that He was there for you.
Know that you are the MOST courageous woman I have met with my heart.
Keep strong. Praying beside you!!!
Jess :)
· 5 months ago
Honey! I'm so praying for you! I have been and will most definitely continue! I would love to be able to do something more for you...please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do!!
Thank you for the update. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. It breaks my heart to hear that. Just know that you are LOVED so incredibly much and are such a witness to so many people!
Love and HUGS, Jess :)
P.S. It was AWESOME seeing a comment from you today!! Everytime I put a picture up of Jorgen, the first person I think of is YOU!!!!
Thank you Sweetie for being real. No pep talk. I wouldn't dare. I don't understand but my heart aches and I'm honored that you gave me the chance to pray and to hurt (just a little)with you. I just love you to pieces and have you on my heart all the time~
Sara, you are a special person and I am so, so sorry about your pain and sickness. I feel like I know you and care for you -- I will pray that God will ease your pain and give you comfort. Loving you in Christ --
I read about you on Jessica Turner's blog and wanted to stop by and let you know that I'll pray for you. I'm sorry that you've been so sick and hope that you are feeling better soon.
Hugs,
Danielle
Robynn's Ravings
· 5 months ago
Gitz....my heart just aches for you and I want so badly to be able to DO something. I'm glad you vent and write and share and grieve with us. It's no small thing not to recognize the face in the mirror. I pray your need for these steroids will lessen, or there will be a different answer, and you can be relieved of these necessary, but awful, drugs. And I'm SOOOO sorry you are experiencing such agonizing pain with your legs. My heart, thoughts, and prayers, are with you.
I understand how you feel. I am missing me too :'(
celita
· 5 months ago
Jesus, comfort Sara, and encourage and strengthen her in Your loving, caring, and capable way. Touch her body, and bring her relief from her pain and discomfort. Help her to see herself and others through Your eyes. Give her courage, joy, and peace to go through each moment of every day, and fill her days with laughter, love, and Your healing touch. Help us, her friends, to encourage her with Your inspiration, Your extra measure of creativity. Help us to be your loving arms extended. We are family, after all, in You, our precious Lord. May we joy together, sorrow together, and just be together, caring, sharing, and loving. Thank you for your strength when we are weak, and for promising to never leave or forsake us. Thank you for hearing and answering our prayers, and thank you because You are our faithful and our "never unjust" God. We ask you to fill Sara's home with Your tangible presence. Continue to grow her in Your ways, Your truth, Your light, and help us to remember You throughout our days. In your name, Jesus, Amen.
Guest
· 5 months ago
Hi Friend, I wholeheartedly agree with the other Cynthia....your beautiful soul is what we all know and love! That said, it is difficult to watch your familiar physical self morph so drastically and see it happen so quickly and without your control. It pains me to see you suffering so....I wish I had a magic healing wand...it'd be yours! ~Cynthia in Montana
I totally get that. I have Spina Bifida and my life keeps changing. I often don't know what to do with the changes. I just want my "normal" for a little while longer--God is that too much to ask?
Anita
· 5 months ago
I am thinking of you always, and praying for you too. All my love to you.
I want to thank you for being real and sharing your pain and struggles. I have been thinking about the verse, "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it..." (1 Corinthians 12:26). I am asking this question, "What does suffering with others look like?"
"It is nearly impossible to feel someone's pain if we don't know that person's story." from "To Be Told" by Dan Allender
Hi Friend.....just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and praying for you. Hoping you'll have an improved weekend!! ~Cynthia in MT
Cindy
· 5 months ago
Hi Sara, I'm now to your blog. I won't pretend to know what you are going through - I only know what life is like to live with an ill spouse. Daily we struggle to muddle through side effects of immunosuppressant's. Hubby hasn't gained weight, just lost. Poor circulation and open unhealed wounds, kidney transplant, etc. I send my thoughts and prayers your way and believe that somehow in the midst of the journey God has you on - you will find peace and understanding. We, in our journey, attempt to find joy in the everyday stuff while allowing God to use us as He grows us. Praying, Cindy
How quickly I can fall for a blogger full of so much joy. Seems silly to put it that way. I found a link to your blog and while I am bad and cannot remember how I got to you, I remember the individual commenting on your joy, your struggles. I had to know more and here I am, fascinated by a mindset I have been recently trying to achieve. I have never been glass half full-I want so much for my choices to continue to be more and more positive and I love the fact that you are sharing your life in a way I can relate to. Thanks for putting it all out there-I know I will be back when I have time to read through more of your entries.
All Comments
I don't care what you look like, if I could see you RIGHT NOW I'd be so happy I would squeel. Seriously.
My heart hurts (EVEN MORE!) reading about your "daily grind" and while it's admirable of you to want to take it in stride, a good scream session always makes me feel better sometimes. Sometimes it just feels good got get good and pissed off. Then, you go about your merry self. ;-)
I wish I had what you needed. It would be yours in a heartbeat.
Love you Gitz.
Love you!
Recent blog:=- The Answer To The Questions….
Anna
If it helps at all, I know a great deal about how steroids invade your body and capture your svelte self, leaving in its place a hideous imposter! I've sometimes spent months on high doses of IV steroids for my asthma and know all about the "writhing pain" as well...Not fun,my sister, not fun!! I will pray for you in your steroid hell...I always debate between the evils: is the disease worse or the drug?? But if you can't breathe, the choice becomes obvious really quickly...I love you with the love of Christ, and my heart breaks for you because I know what it is like to want to hide under your bed until you lose the steroid face!! Hang in there. Your beautiful soul is all we see on this blog and that's the real you...Nothing can take that away!
Cynthia
Recent blog:=- My younger self
Enjoy the straight hair. My sisters in law keep telling me what a pain it is for them to straighten their curls. My hair wouldn't even curl in a perm!
You could not have said it better. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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You are most precious! Like the Proverbs 31 woman whose heart is precious to God. Thank you for your transparency. Thank you that you exhibit strength and not a front. That is a blessing!
Love you, friend!
We both struggled with body image, so I can truly understand how difficult this must be to go through. No pep talk here! But for the record, you inspire a lot of people to live life to the fullest.
Know the best thing about your blog? We see YOU. For who you are. And that's all we see. Not somebody whose sickness defines her, but someone whose Christ-likeness defines her. I love seeing you, however you are.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." -1 Peter 3:3-5
Pep-talk over. ;)
Yes, at least now I do have a chance at "pretending" it isn't what it is.
I'm praying for you...more...today, Gitz.
Will the steroid weight leave once you are off the steroids or will it be a slow process of losing weight?
You nailed it on this one...well said. You did not complain, or whine (which I am sure you're concerned about doing). You did not sound like you were feeling sorry for yourself--which is allowed as long as you don't wallow in it. You were real and honest and transparent, and probably helped so many people. Way to not let this dumb disease take that from you.
Been there...the moon (balloon) face of steriods is awful. I DO know how people say they understand but cannot unless they've (a)been on high dose steriods multiple/extended times, or (b) have had one of those 20/20 body transformations. I have done (a) and wish instead it had been (b, seeing as it is far easier to recover/come back from. :)
YOU ARE IN THERE. I promise. I "see" it in your words. You will emerge. It might be a bit different for a bit, but you have friends and an amazing God that will sustain you through this. Ya can't just live on Riles alone :).
I do understand the desire to be sick but not look it; in that way, the disease is not defining you or taking something from you that others can see. It is a blow to lose mobility, but it is really nothing like losing the shape of you,
the tendrils in your hair or the crinkle lines near your eyes when you smile(b/c I am SURE those are gone). It is okay to mourn the loss of that for right now. You'll come back. I am trusting in it.
I am loving you, praying for you, and am "here" if you need me. This road right now just plain stinks. Can't say anything but that. I wish you did not have to travel it, but know that you're never alone.
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Cheering and clapping. You are such an amazing writer--no matter, no matter, no matter what else is going on. You won this round!
I'm wondering about these steroids, though - are you on them for your lungs? Is that why you have to put up with them?
Recent blog:=- Walk On By.
Take care of you!
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i just simply love YOU,
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I don't even know what type of pep-talk to give you. I don't have the words for your strength and stamina and faith. You are an inspiration. But I'm sure you've heard that before.
I love you. I think so highly of you. SO highly, Gitz.
SOOOO highly.
Gosh. I don't know how to even say it. You are incredible. I want to say I'm proud of you - but that feels like I'm talking "down" to you or something. I actually am proud of you in an "I really really look UP to you" sort of way.
You are strong.
As weak as you feel facing the pain and the day... To me, if I were to describe you in one word: STRONG.
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Love you dear friend.
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Love is the most important part of life. As for the rest, it will be what it will be.
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Praying on the shores of California, Know that when the breeze of the ocean hit my face today. He was telling me that He was there for you.
Know that you are the MOST courageous woman I have met with my heart.
Keep strong. Praying beside you!!!
Thank you for the update. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. It breaks my heart to hear that. Just know that you are LOVED so incredibly much and are such a witness to so many people!
Love and HUGS,
Jess :)
P.S. It was AWESOME seeing a comment from you today!! Everytime I put a picture up of Jorgen, the first person I think of is YOU!!!!
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I just love you to pieces and have you on my heart all the time~
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Thanks for sharing.
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I read about you on Jessica Turner's blog and wanted to stop by and let you know that I'll pray for you. I'm sorry that you've been so sick and hope that you are feeling better soon.
Hugs,
Danielle
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~Cynthia in Montana
Lifting you up in prayer!
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"It is nearly impossible to feel someone's pain if we don't know that person's story." from "To Be Told" by Dan Allender
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~Cynthia in MT
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and i love you so very much.